As a liberated woman, have you ever wished to explore and expand on your sexual experiences, fantasies and fulfilment safely, while remaining in the driving seat at all times, and, most importantly, without feeling that you are playing into the hands of men?

Welcome to the female-focused world of Killing Kittens,, a private sex club that organises sex parties, and boasts police officers, lawyers and even celebrities as members, and where the woman calls the shots.

Its website is clear:

“With Killing Kittens, you can explore your innermost fantasies and deepest sexual desires in a safe but sexually-charged environment.”



Launched ten years ago in London as the brain child of 36 year old Emma Sayle, a diplomat’s daughter and school friend of Kate Middleton from their days in the rowing club,  the club now has around 100,000 members, with up to 200 people ­attending a party.


Emma, standing, rowing with Kate Middleton, seated at back.

Emma, standing, rowing with Kate Middleton, seated at back.

Emma’s wish was to build an environment where women could explore their fantasies, free, as she says,  from a pleasureless, manipulative and male-focused environment, an environment and approach that serves only to short-change a woman of her satisfaction and make her feel nothing more than a sacrificial goat on the altar of the male orgasm.   Emma says that her business is now booming, due to the popularity of the erotic book and film Fifty Shades of Grey, which was seen as female porn.

Apparently members of Killing Kittens have to adhere to a strict vetting system and must be ‘gorgeous’ before they will be admitted to a party, though Emma doesn’t demand “supermodel quality”, but participants  have to look after themselves and be keen on the eye.  The vetting process requires applicants to submit a photo.  None of this has deterred party-goers though with more than 60 people signing up for the New York bash.

At £100 – £350 for a couple and £25- £50 for single women, tickets to the parties are within the reach of most people.

Lone men are barred, to discourage those late night prowlers seen at nightclubs after 12:00am, so the general vibe is sophisticated, upmarket and a little bit saucy.

In keeping with that standard, Emma demands a dress code of cocktail dresses for ladies, smart suits and ties for me and masks.

Jodie, aged 33, who is expanding the clubs into the North, says:

“There’s no pressure on anyone to get involved. You can watch or be watched. It can be girl on girl, a threesome or a foursome or whatever you want to do.  We get a lot of single girls who want to explore their sexuality or just to have a great night. It’s totally up to them. There is literally no pressure.  They might just want to explore and experiment or jazz up their sex lives or marriages. It’s whatever they want.  No-one is forcing them to do anything.  What people want to do behind closed doors is up to them as long as they are not hurting anyone. I don’t see what the issue is.”

She says that all sorts of ‘gorgeous’ people had attended the parties.

“We have all kinds of different people from builders, doctors, solicitors, policemen and paramedics.  We’ve even had a couple of celebrities, although there’s no way I would name names.

The rules that govern Killing Kittens parties prioritise female comfort and control at all times, and the policy which prohibits  unaccompanied men other than at certain specific events for singles,  creates an atmosphere that is both relaxed and less pressured.

In a world now influenced by the recent female backlash against sexual harassment, following the Bernie Weinstein exposures, and the Alyssa Milano #MeToo tweets, Kitten parties aim to prevent men from exploiting our so-called sexually liberal and open-minded society for their own ends by pressuring and coercing women into sleeping with them.

Writing about her first-hand experience of a Killing Kitten party, one participant commented:

“Suffice to say that it was a sex party, and, yes, I had sex.  What I wish to discuss is that I did so in an environment unlike anything I have ever experienced before.  In a place filled with sexual tension, with a roughly even number of women and men, there was something absent.  Through that absence, I experienced something truly special.”


Image: Emma Sayle

What she referred to is the one simple rule, that men may not approach women, coupled with a membership screening process that ensures men do not overtly or covertly pressure women into sex, resulting in an atmosphere that was non-pressured, relaxed and positively sociable.

This did not psychologically castrate the men into non-performance either, or turn them into some paragon of new-wave masculinity, as it appears there was still plenty of male posturing and puffed-up confidence going on, but there was a noticeable lack of pressure.

So, even in a spectacularly sexually-charged environment, surrounded on all sides by graphic and uninhibited displays, everyone still took a moment to pause and explicitly and respectfully seek consent before joining any other party.

This approach is contrary to the conditioning men receive from an early age, that nothing is worse than the humiliation of rejection, a truly dangerous thought-pattern that prompts the attitude that you can’t be rejected if you don’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

There was no need to fear rejection, whether male or female, as the KK community is a friendly and supportive one.  If alone, a woman won’t find herself alone for long without someone approaching her, but not in an overtly forward way, but to introduce themselves and to have a chat without any sexual intent.

No one is saying sex clubs are for everyone, and some may be chilled to the bone at the prospect, but in a world of Harvey Weinsteins, woman may benefit from the  Emma Sayle approach by taking control.

I for one am looking forward to meeting this forward looking lady during the Venice Carnival 2018, where she is attending our Glass Slippers Ball on Friday February 9th,  before she hosts one of her very select parties in Venice on Saturday, the 10th.


Written by: Vivienne Sharman-Lewis

Vivienne Sharman-Lewis

Vivienne Sharman-Lewis

Social Websites:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.